Monday, January 5, 2009

I miss ..

"Loneliness is always looking for a friend
It found me once and it has been around since then
Loneliness is never waiting by the door
It sweeps right through and it will never be ignored
Why, why was I chosen?
Why am I left without?

The love of my life, the love that I need
The love that they say is in life for free
The love of my dreams, the love that I want
Loneliness knows me by name

Loneliness knows everything I keep inside
My endless thoughts in the silence of the night
Loneliness is the one who made me see
Ain't nobody else who can make a change but me
Why, why was I chosen?
Why am I left without?

The love of my life, the love that I need
The love that they say is in life for free
The love of my dreams, the love that I want
Loneliness knows me by name !! "


These lines from a song bumped into my head as I was sitting in my room ...
Been bout 2 to 3 days since I came back from newcastle ...
its the new year... and yet it doesnt feel new ... it doesnt feel that great as it is supposed to feel ...
Usually, the first few days of the new year atleast give a feeling as such ...
Came to my uncle's place in London as they left to India and gave me the keys ... tried to keep myself occupied ... watched a couple of movies... fell asleep ... and then ..
I wake up ... to see myself in tears....
quite unusual, as i had been used to living alone... all through my life ....
and then it had no end to it ...
kept thinking bout the people in my life ... the memories I had ... the times I had back in hyderabad ... the good times that I had in newcastle just a few days back ... and now Im just sitting all alone in this house ........ where tears were pouring down like a new born baby ...

I had felt lonely many times in my life ... never to the extent where I've cried so much ...
The loneliness that I felt led me to thinking of other things that were going on in my life ... which led to so much more pain ... so many to put down here ...
the pain is so indescribable ... its as if someone has reached down your throat and pulled out your heart and smashed it on ur face ... Its too graphic I know but thats exactly how I feel right now ...

I miss my family ...
I miss the one I love ...
I miss my friends ...
I miss roaming around ...
I miss having someone by my side ...
I miss being loved ...
I miss driving around with my friends ...
I miss not having to do assignments ...
I miss the amazing biryani from Alhamdulillah (Nampally) ...
I miss having coffee from Cafe Coffee Day with the gang ...
I miss sitting at the entrance of Nidhi's apartments and talking for hours ...
I miss waking up to the calls of nidhi and aishu ...
I miss the night outs ...
I miss roaming late nights in my brothers car ...
I miss Vineeta's sandwiches ...
I miss staying up the whole night to make a video ...
I miss HOME ...

and right now Home could be so many things for me ...
it could be hyderabad ...
it could be kuwait with family ...
it could be newcastle with cousins ...
it could be london with friends ...
it could be anything that could take me out of this gut-wrenching pain ...

I wish there was never a thing called loneliness ... I wish there was never a feeling called lonely ..
And I know that even with a million people around you, you can still feel lonely .. dont even get me started about that ...

anyways ... Its all in the JIGSAW ... !!! Its probably a passing moment ... thats hard enough to swallow ...

4 comments:

  1. to dear jon .... i wish i could actually come there give u hug and say everythings gonna be alright .. but the least i can do is tell u we r here .... as lonely as u ... we r here waiting for u to come back eat sandwichess drink cofee ... and not to forget wake u upp and throww stoness at ur dooor .... loneliness is a passsing phase it is a feeling when u have nothin to do .. ask me :)...... anywayyy keep urself occupiedd and stay happy ... love u withhh all my heartttt :):)...<3....... p.s call me whenevrrr i will sing to u :D:D:D:D.....

    ReplyDelete
  2. you know i agree! sometimes you are surrounded by people but you still feel all alone! things like this come and go! but nothing lasts forever! def not horrible times! il promise you this much! experiences like this make you realise the worth of people in our life! and you know its the better way to learn it! i know all this sounds like shit... just want to tell you... you arent alone in this lonely world! somewhere... sometime... someplace... someone is feeling exactly what you are! good thing is... when you come back home! wel jump on you and ul feel all warm again! we miss you so much! we are delighted atleast half of it is over! come back soonest! :D love, madness! p.s we are going to be around! :D

    ReplyDelete
  3. jona cme bak noo...cme bak vryyy soon!!:) we all miss u !!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I totally relate to tht song...It's stuck in my head ever since I heard it and thru any phase that's made sense...

    ReplyDelete